u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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