Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
