It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
