Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
