??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This house was built for laser tag.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's rum buckets o'clock
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
