What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize