If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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