watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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