there's paper in my vomit.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
