I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
