He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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