i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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