Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
