how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize