End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
