you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
worst night to have a conscience
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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