I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he wants to bone in the snuggie
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
