Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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