you guys were way drunker than both of me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
