In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
