If that was your dad, he is hot
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
