well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
