You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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