I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
