im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
