In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
