am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize