ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
