garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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