I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
