East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
