We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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