I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
