I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
