Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
