some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
