Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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