Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
