i already hear my dad disowning me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
