One girl and one boy is just not enough.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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