I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
