you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
