Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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