I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
