3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
