Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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