You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
