do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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