Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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