her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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