after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
