Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
