Pappa wants mamma naked
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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