She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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