My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
