thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
