I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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