my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
PANTIES FOUND
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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