You made me cry and you don't even care
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
