So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
