so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
