dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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